Dashlawk Down

Dear God

2010-05-01T21:48:00.000-07:00

Why do you allow dickheads like this to make money?

Dutch ovens are every man's god given right to impose upon his sleeping partner. Stop killing comedy.

<3 Joe

p.s. Still not as bad as the Snuggie.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2010-03-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

Euro Trip 2009 Montage

2010-03-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

I know, I know - 7 months late, but I finally put together this Video/Photo Montage from Europe last summer in iMovie. I did it mostly for my own memories, but I know others have asked to see it. Its pretty long, hence why it was not emailed to anyone, and not posted on Youtube. Anyway, enjoy.

Also, you can download the video if you want to keep it on your hard drive. (Click "download original" [two downward arrows] on the pop up screen as you scroll over the video... you might get a higher quality video that way)

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

2010-02-24T10:45:00.000-08:00

Take notice college basketball fans.

The day has finally come. I can set aside my fandom of UNC. UGA has surpassed them in Basketball excellence. I retire my Baby Blue and fully embrace the Red and Black - something I have not been able to do since 2002.

Go Dawgs.

(Sarcasm font not yet installed)

Post Signing Day and Basketball (I KNOW RIGHT)

2010-02-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Time for the mid-February bitchfest. I'm generally a pretty cranky guy in February. It's usually just rainy, cold, and grey in February. While I am a fan of the colder weather, you tend to forget the advantages when you are soaking wet and it is 40 degrees outside. But we actually got some snow this weekend, so that was nice.

College football signing day has come and gone. I'm going to keep this section painfully short, because my angst regarding this years signing class at Georgia is painfully large. (Preface: yes I know we still have a top 20 signing class, but damnit I'm used to at least top 10 if not top 5. It also stings more when you were previously number 4 and let possible signees slip through your fingers, and your rivals pull in better classes).
We only had about 18-20 scholarships to give, and for some reason, unlike all the other coaches in the SEC, Mark Richt doesn't ever sign more guys that he has spots for. Damn you for not wanting to promise something to a kid and have to take it away from him. Oh to have character - a blessing and a burden at the same time. Anyway, most of the talent this year is on the defensive side of the ball, which in my opinion is much needed after last years dismal showing, as well as the departure of personal favorites Rashad Jones and Rennie.

Read about the Highlights and lowlights of the class along with some basketball discussion after the jump (Click "Read More" below) - Trying to conserve space on the main page and not bore those that don't want to read about UGA.

Highlights of the class:

Alec Ogletree, a hard hitting safety - (along w/ his twin brother, LB Alex [really? Alec and Alex?] - could be fun if they both develop - *See tag team names below)
DT Mike Thornton - Big time Defensive Line guy from Atlanta that could fit our new scheme well by clogging up the middle. Glad we snagged at least ONE of the states top players.
Safety Jakar Hamilton - Actually transferred in from Georgia Military College, but that means he has experience and can possibly step in immediately to fill a starting position next to Bacarri Rambo. Could be a good tandem. He certainly already knows how to run his mouth, calling out D. Rogers after his flipflop (see below). The Safety position should have some good competition over the next few seasons.

*Tag team names: ALEgator Baiters, ALEbama Slammers, ALEgorically Obvious And Alliterative Ass-Kicker

Best Name of the signing class: Unlike years past, there isn't a name that really sticks out, so I will go with Ronnie Outlaw. He is just a 2star WR and is unlikely to qualify for UGA this year, meaning he will likely go to Ga Military Academy for a year or two. Would be pretty sick if he was a CB or something and we had Rambo, and Outlaw on the same side of the field.

The ones that got away: Ahhhh Karma. If you remember, (and I doubt you do) I wrote last year how hilarious I thought it was that Marlon Brown, at Tennessee native, chose UGA over the Vols at the last second. Well friends, the tables have turned. After nearly 6 months as a UGA commit, 5star WR prospect Da'rick Rogers swapped on signing day to be a Tennessee Vol. Remembering how retahded the Vol fans looked last year bashing Brown, I tried to refrain from saying anything negative about Rogers. If the kid wants to jump onto a sinking ship then that is his decision. UT has had nothing but bad press for the last 6 months, but obviously new coach Derek Dooley's 17-20 record in the Sun Belt conference was enough to convince Mr. Rogers that it was a better fit for the Calhoun, GA native. That or the fact that his rich buddy Nash Nance - whos father pretty much supports Rogers financially - was signed as a qb (UGA did not offer him). One of those two things probably happened. Nash himself flip-flopped from a Vandy commit - I have to give UT credit for taking a risk on offering a kid who will never play, it landed them a 5 star WR.

Christian Green, our other 5star WR miss, went to FSU. To be honest, this was a long shot - his family is from Florida, his uncle played at FSU (albeit, under Richt in his coordinator days) and his brother plays basketball at a community college in Tallahassee. But supposedly we had a shot right until the end. I guess playing opposite the best WR in the SEC didn't appeal to these guys? I don't get it. It's a virtual guarantee to never see a double team, a guarantee that you will see a shorthanded zone, and a guarantee that lots and lots of NFL scouts will be watching your games, keying in on WR play.
Those two, particulary Rogers, stung. We needed another WR this year, and a 2star heading to GMC is not going to make me jump for joy.

I have, thus far, avoided getting angry about the 18 year olds this year. You never know how a class will turn out, and I'm hoping that Richt's changes in the coaching staff will have a bigger effect than the signing class will. I personally am thrilled to have a new innovative defense being installed. I just hope that it doesn't take the kids too long to pick it up - this is going to be our best year for a while, schedule wise.

BASKETBALL: Ok I'll make this brief because UGA basketball is generally meh and UNC has started circling the drain that injury, youth, and lack of confidence often cause. For the first time since Jim Harrick was fired, I am optimistic about UGA basketball. With virtually nothing but what he inherited from Felton, Mark Fox has created an air of hope in Athens. While they are still young and insanely inconsistant on the road, the Dawgs have become a tough opponent. They are about 10-15 points away from being an at large bid to the NCAA tournament. Thus far this season, they played #2 Kentucky better than anyone in the SEC in Lexington (one of their better road efforts) yet lost to a hapless Auburn team (a road-no show). They inexplicably blew 2nd half leads against tournament team Ol Miss, and bubble team Miss State, and lost a close contest to USC. These road woes are contrasted by a nearly flawless record at home. They wrecked #8 Tennessee and #20 Vandy (ranked) and recently beat a South Carolina - the same team that beat Kentucky a week earlier. They also have victories over ranked (or formerly ranked) teams Vanderbilt (on the road) Georgia Tech and Virginia.

If not for the inconsistant play on the road, that would be an impressive schedule. You can't tell me that some teams would kill for that list in their win collum. Just think about this. Mark Fox has 5 wins over ranked teams this season. Felton had that many in 5 SEASONS. Hope. All I'm saying.

I know many of you don't care about this stuff, but I have to have at least one UGA related post per semester to balance my product bitching and picture posting. I'd hate to have to change the blog description, I really like it.

Awesome Movie Poster of the Day

2010-02-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

Courtesy of Garon

I didn't Know Nelson had a Son

2010-02-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

Notice the Bibb

Hell Freezes Over

2010-01-30T15:13:00.000-08:00

EVERYONE CAN I PLEASE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION. I'VE JUST BEEN HANDED AN URGENT AND HORRIFYING NEWS STORY. I NEED ALL OF YOU TO STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND LISTEN.

Ross bought and is watching Starwars.

Do you know how many years I've waited to have conversations like these?

Roff: why can't he pronounce falcon?
or is it supposed to be fallcon?
me: its however he wants to say it its his ship
Roff: fair enough
pretty sure Han shot first
me: yeah dude totes

Roff: Storm toopers, dudes in suits or robots?
me: suits
Roff: in context of the movie, obviously not really robots
me: they are dudes in suits

Right Stick is the Mandible C-Section

2010-01-28T13:37:00.000-08:00

Best Buys and Buddy Blogs

2010-01-27T12:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings Plebs

Whew... Okay since the last posting, NYE has come and gone (MLK too) and I had a great break from school, and apparently, blogging. Also since the last post, I decided to move into a buddy's house in Macon, so I have been either living in two places or trying to get settled into the new crib, so I blame that and starting a new semester for my lack of blogging.

Since it is a new year, and the majority of this blog is spent venting about retarded products (cough, Ipad, cough - We'll get to that later) I have decided to try to do the opposite today. I bought some reefs online last year, so now i get product emails from the site i ordered them from, despite my efforts to remove my name from the mailing list. Well for once, something good came out of it, as I was introduced to this product.

Yes. That is the Reef sandal with a BOTTLE OPENER on the bottom. Functionality AND comfort! Finally! (Don't even tell me that a snuggie is on the same level- Not when sweatshirts still exist and bottle-opener-boxers don't) I can't tell you how many bottle openers which I attached to keychains that have broken over the years. Not to mention that my reefs are prob the best sandals I have ever had (ty Ryan for convincing me how comfy they were).

I guess these have been around for a while, but whatever, I think they are awesome. And just in time for the Superbowl. Or Spring Break. Whatever.

On another note, Apple released the iPad today. Its basically a big iPhone or iPod touch... which is totally functional right? I was just thinking the other day that laptops were way too big and functional, I'd rather pay the same price to make lightsaber noises and play sudoku rather than type notes in class. Here is a quote I totes made up and did not steal from Ed:

"Personally, I have one word for the Apple iPad: UNIMPRESSED. I already have an iPhone, and it is a piece of crap. And not once in all of my time of having it did I ever wish that it was just a bunch bigger and more breakable. "You can read books on it." You know where else I can read books? On books."

Note: I would buy this product if it were called "iTabluh" and not "iPad".

For further insight: Check out Roff's new blog, which will likely be linked to a lot in the future: http://www.ross-writes.blogspot.com/. You can also find it on the "blogroll" on the right side of the screen.

I'm guessing I will use him and he will use me as idea springboards, so hopefully posts will be coming in more regularly. Often our online conversations are patchy due to him working and me in class (lolz) or they devolve into shouting matches about football or him thinking I am being an arrogant dick, and me not caring because I'm awesome. This might promulgate more civilized responses. Or not. I dont give a F$#@.

Dash

2009 Life/Travel Re-cap

2009-12-28T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hey folks - sorry for the lack of posting w/ finals and then the holidays - I hope everyone has had a fantastic holiday and all that good stuff. I am currently on a plane headed to Vegas, and figured this was as good a time as any to do a year end recap, mostly regarding travel.

The Basics
School. 2nd and 3rd semesters of school are now in the books. I am half a lawyer. I wouldn't say that Macon has grown on me, but my friends at school have definitely made it much more tolerable. Can't imagine what it would be like w/out them. I probably would have dropped out. I really wish I had a job for next summer wrapped up, but hopefully something will work out. Things tend to work themselves out over time, so why stress? Live ya life, do what you do. Rihanna is my idol.
Even though I am currently enrolled in law school (hard to believe sometimes I know) I still got out of the good ole State of Georgia quite a bit this year. 2009 was a good year for the Dash, especially in the summer time.

2009 Travel/life rundown

New York, New York - January - Trip to NYC see Kate for her birthday and Jason. Patrick was there then too. It was like -14 degrees I think... It snowed. A good trip.

Savannah, Georgia - March - St. Patrick's day! Nuff said.

Orange Beach Alabama - April - Spring break trip part I. Headed to Orange beach Alabama with Garon, Meeks, Justin, Jen and Scriddings. Was hammered for about 5 days straight. Sent 1000 hilarious text messages to Jackie and Smiles.

Charleston, South Carolina - April - Spring break trip part II. After the days in Alabama, I then hooked up w/ Jaclyn and Anderson in Atlanta and headed out to visit Kirty Mae in Charleston. We Ate well, drank well, went to the beach and watched the Georgia spring football game. Only sent about 200 text messages to Jackie and Smiles.

Destin, Florida - May - Memorial Day weekend trip. Right as school ended Breslin talked me into going to Destin, even though I was broke and my student loans exhausted. $50 for 3 nights in a hotel isnt a bad way to go though. So McKree, Rick, Breslin and I rolled down for an epic weekend with what would become some of my favorite new people. Considering that before May of this year I never hung out with Whitney, Kevin, Hayley, Abby, Kate, Lauren, Everett, or the Moore's is pretty weird to think about. (name dropping WHAT)

Destin, Florida - June - Fam Reunion. Drove down to see Dad's side of the Fam for a few days. Fun times, though the sisters couldn't make it.

Milan, Italy - June - Europe Adventure begins. Don't spend long here. After a day I move on
Rome, Italy - June - Roma w/ the fam. I love Rome. Good food and wine, and my whole family with me - couldn't be happier. I send some drunken postcards, except for HJB's because she didnt give me an address. This later makes me mad so I burn it. Visit the Colosseum, Vatican City, Pantheon, Roman Forum, Trevi fountain.
Pompeii, Italy/Sorrento, Italy/Capri, Italy - June - Family time continues. We shoot around Italy some more. I'm about ready to ditch the family - as much as i love them (and my parents funding hotels/food) I'm about ready to head off and meet my friends
Florence, Italy - June - Last stop in Italy. Never been here before so it was pretty cool. Lots of art to see - a very very Renaissance oriented city.

Amsterdam, Netherlands - July - Meet the Mercer boys - (Contents of trip edited - insert 5th amendment joke here)

Den Haag, Netherlands - July - Study Abroad. First leg of Study Abroad - I'm not gonna bore you again w/ details of all the places I went while on my study abroad again - most of it is located elsewhere on this blog, I will just say that met some awesome people.

Brussels, Belgium/Bruges, Belgium - July - Weekend trip
Paris, France - July - Die Paris Die.
Frieburg, Germany - July - 2nd leg of Study Abroad begins
Strasbourg, France - July - More trips
Amsterdam, Netherlands - July/August - Just one more day before heading home

Oklahoma City/Stillwater, Oklahoma - September - Labor Day/FOOTBALL. Garon and I drive an ungodly 14+ hours to get to Oklahoma to see the kids from the study abroad trip and go see UGA play OK State. We lose. Nightmare season begins

Athens, GA - September/October/November - Travel Hiatus for law-school and football. Clearly not going anywhere during football season other than Athens to see the Dawgs play.

Las Vegas, Nevada - December - See story below

So my sister is in full wedding planning mode (Congrats by the way Anne and Jimmy) and she, my mom and my younger sister are currently in Hilton head to look at venues for the wedding. Saturday night my mom asked me what my dad and I were planning on doing while they were gone. I jokingly told her "Psh, we are going to Vegas". Little did I know that I have mega super mental mind control powers. The next morning my dad comes downstairs and says "Ok if you want, we can go to Vegas tomorrow". I was all like, "yeah, cool, whatever", but in my mind I was like "HOLY BAWLZ IT WORKED MIND CONTROL LOLOZLOLWOZL".

So here I sit, enjoying free Wi-fi at 10,000+ ft on my way to sin city with my dad (good thing too cuz I'm again out of money... looking back on this list its no surprise either). So wish me luck so I have extra money to pay for the 3,436 wedding presents I'm gonna have to purchase this spring, as well as Jackie the money I owe her, plus interest.

All in all, it was an awesome year and I am truly blessed to have been able to travel and experience what I have.

To my old friends, I love you all. Another year in the books. We lost another good one this year. RIP Alex.

To my new friends, local, nation-wide and abroad - I feel like I made some friends for life (we can thank facebook for that) Keep in touch.

To my family - Love you all. You are my rock.

2009 celebrity deaths of note:
Uga VII, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, Patrick Swayze, Willy Martinez' soft Zone in Athens

Happy New Year to everyone! Hope 2010 is as good to you or better than 2009 was. Peace.

Wishing You and Yours a Very

2009-12-25T07:47:00.000-08:00

Finals

2009-12-03T12:56:00.001-08:00

See: Finals (click here)

See Smiles? I told you so.

2009-11-24T14:20:00.001-08:00

Clearly, Using my Thanksgiving Break Well...

2009-11-23T22:48:00.000-08:00

As you can see from the photo above. Sigh, I am 12 years old.

Library day today + Taco Mac. Not bad. Oh, I found out that I f'd up registration somehow and nothing went through. Awesome.

More Library tomorrow, then cousin Bill and Gnar get in town. Drinking and giving thanks. Then football. It's good to own land.

Daily FML and Joe the Bane of Twilight returns

2009-11-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

Heard from my TV in the other room (On ESPN no less!)

"Everyone is choosing sides... team Edward or team Jacob"

blah blah Twilight blah

Buy a Whopper Jr.

FML

Readers of the blog know well my hatred for the Twilight "saga". If not you can explore/refresh your memory by clicking here

S0 I saw a preview for the new Twilight movie the other day, and apparently, when you punch a Native American in the face, he will in fact turn into a wolf. That would be pretty awesome if it were true actually, but if it were, we would hear a whole lot more about wolf attacks over half empty bottles of old crow whiskey in Oklahoma.

So I know through inane discussions with readers that these are supposed to be "werewolves". Even though they clearly are just wolves, we're going to ignore that, because, lets be honest, the author has already showed that she has no respect for literary traditions. But one can't help but wonder why in the preview all the guys are shirtless for 90% of their time on screen. I didn't realize that Abercrombie and Fitch models were all vampires or werewolves. The Native American's should form their own Olympic teams because they look like they could probably take the Spartans in some oil wrestling matches (rawr). At least they know what their audience (13 year old girls and emotionally stunted undersexed moms) want and have fully embraced their crappiness.

And yes, I realize that I promised myself and others that I wouldn't post about this shit anymore, but that commercial was thoroughly infuriating to cause me to reboot the h8 blog in full. (not to mention the ocean of twilight advertising which has accompanied the new movie)

I'll try to post my Athens FML tomorrow if I find the time, its a doozy.

UPDATE: Awesome Response

Roff: "obv I'm team Edward.... I don't know what the fuck that means but even joking about it made my dick shrink"

My Perfect Saturday

2009-11-12T10:15:00.001-08:00

Hate Week? No. Tough Love Week

2009-11-09T08:18:00.001-08:00

Ahhh early November. As autumn finally descends in the south, and the air grows crisp, a feeling develops deep in the pit of our stomachs. Its been at the back of our minds all season. Through all the ups and downs a year in the SEC brings, amongst our unique group of friends, there is always one thing lurking in the depths of our psyche. Let it now occupy our full attention.

It's Auburn/Georgia week.

We each have bigger rivals, and teams we would rather beat. But there is nothing like bragging rights amongst your friends.

And so, here we are. Auburn can consider this season a surprising success with a win. Georgia can gain a semblance of sanity by beating a rival. Can I claim to know what will happen? No. I cannot.

Which Auburn team will show up? The team that spanked Tennessee like no other team in the SEC seems to be capable of? The team that lost to Kentucky? Who knows such things. And what about Georgia? Will we see another game riddled with turnovers and penalties? Or will the Ginger Ninja, reveling in the 7p.m. kickoff, shine in his natural element- when his sworn enemy, the sun, has descended below a picturesque Athens November skyline?

My friends, I can't answer these questions for you. I do know one thing. For those coming to Athens - win or lose, we shall booze. And rain or shine, I'll be yellin GO DAWGS from the 20 yard line.

I love you all. Best of luck.

P.S. As it appears we will both likely lose to our in-state rivals... Does anyone else miss the early 2000's as much as me? I miss the streaks. The world is a better place when Bama and GT are lolz.

P.P.S. Fun fact: Gus Malzahn rapes his offensive linemen.

-Dash

Law School Sucks

2009-11-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

The blog will be on a "brief" hiatus til after next Monday.

Knyuck Knyuck

Hate Week, Day 4

2009-10-29T10:16:00.001-07:00

Just wanna say - if Tebow breaks Herschel's Td record on Saturday I will be majorly pissed. 1) That should be reason enough to pump up our D to stop him, and 2) It will be a bogus record anyway - Not only did Herschel only play 3 seasons, he played 2 less games per year than Teblow did, and back then they didn't count bowl game TDs... which would add 5 more to his record. So shut your stupid mouf gator queeahs.

Die Florida. Die.

Hate Week - Day 3

2009-10-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

Awesome Tat, but Em0-Teb0w would have been better. You can read his comments here

Also, can someone pick me up some of these bulldog polo logos in Athens to give to me in Jacksonville? K Thx.

Hate Week, Day 2

2009-10-27T13:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks for making this statement not true UF. Die.

Hey guess what? UF faggots still have their panties in a bunch about This. Get over yourselves pussies. It was two years ago, stop crying.

Die Florida, Die.

Hate Week Begins

2009-10-26T12:00:00.001-07:00

As Garon would say, there is an epidemic going on in Gainesville. When you steal someone's sleeves, you steal their dignity, my respect for them, and possibly my lunch. We must stop this sleeve thievery at all costs.

Die Florida, Die.

New Foo

2009-10-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

Nuff Said

Hide your sins, he learned how to open doors

2009-10-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

It has come to my attention that some of you don't know about Raptor Jesus. You should. He went extinct for your sins.

He is also pretty awesome w/ skateboards and such

Never forget

"I was watching cops"

2009-10-07T20:37:00.000-07:00

I don't know if any of you have ever seen this show "Man vs. Food" on the Travel Channel, but I. LOVE. IT. I always see it and am like why would I watch this? Its just a guy eating. Then I watch 4 straight episodes.

So after Southpark tonight, when I should have gone back to my memo, I watched about 3 episodes in a row of Man vs. Food.

It was about halfway through the episode where he ate 5 bowls of insane chili that I realized I was fucking sweating from watching TV. Watching the host suffer through the chili was making me sweat. "Weird" I thought... "It must be warm in here". Nevermind that I was sweating under my eyes and on my eyebrows - key sweatspots for any spicy food eater.

Then I saw the episode which the clip below was from. Super Spicy Fritters in Habenero Salsa? (The clip doesn't do justice to all the spice packed into those lil bastards). My nose actually started running and I got heartburn. Srsly, I just chugged some water.

Why would I like that? Well I know I could never do half of the challenges the host Adam does. And he seems like a fairly normal guy. You see him hurting and just want him to succeed. Rooting against him is like rooting for cancer, or the Yankees. He also constantly asks if he can add bacon. Whats not to like?

I love this damn show.

Good Start to the Weekend

2009-10-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

Broken finger playing football. Purple Bruise all the way down my palm. Prob have to paint over it Saturday so as not to be sporting fag/enemy colors.
How the hell am I supposed to flip off LSU fans? Megafail.

LSU coming to Athens. H8 Blog Reboot

2009-09-29T05:57:00.000-07:00

I realized immediately after posting the last post that I have the perfect hate blog topic sitting at the front of my brain.

I'm preparing myself for both the best and the worst this coming weekend. Thats because the dirty, ugly, smelling of corndogs, semi-retarded, crazy cajun swamp trash will be oozing out of the backwater Louisianna bayous, and crawling out of their living holes choked with Hurricane debris and making their way to the classic city this week.

If you have never had the pleasure of a conversation with an LSU fan on gameday, you should be in for a treat. They are, by far, the most classless fans I have ever had the pleasure of encountering. Of course there is always a flipside. Im willing to bet that 95% of all conversations with LSU fan's go one of three ways:

(1) "The standard"

LSUFAN: "GEAUX TIGERS YOU DUMB SUMBITCH"
Opposing fan: "GO (Insert Team Here)"
LSUFAN: Immediately spits in the face of (opposing team)'s fan - "FUCK YOU"

(2) "The Dick"

LSUFAN: "GEAUX TIGERS YOU FAT UGLY SUMBITCH COCKSUCKER"
Opposing fan: "GO (Insert Team Here)"
LSUFAN: (Staring with the fire of 1,000 suns in his eyes that anyone would dare mention any team but the bayou Bengals, then immediately punches you in the face) "FAGGOT"

(3) "The Nice Guy"

LSUFAN: "GEAUX TIGERS YOU DUMB SUMBITCH"
Opposing fan: "GO (Insert Team Here)"
LSUFAN: I WILL KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW, UNLESS YOU COME EAT SOME OF MY DELICIOUS SMOKED TAILGATE FOOD AND DRINK ALCOHOL TO EXCESS WITH ME, BECAUSE I RESPECT THAT WHICH I UNDERSTAND AND FEAR THAT WHICH I DO NOT.

Football Season > Lawschool > Blogging

2009-09-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

Posting fail the past few weeks. Been traveling a good bit for Georgia games, and it has left my weeks crammed trying to get work done before I leave. Brief Rundown:

Week 1 (Labor day): Went to Oklahoma for the UGA game. Mega fail. Good to see folks from the Europe trip though

Week 2: Athens for South Carolina. Good game, got to see the sisters, and Whitney, Hayley and Cato came up too. I almost have a heart attack. Thank god for Rennie.

Week 3: Stay in Macon. Video Chug w/ Gnarles. Bad idea. Dawgs win, but again its way too close.

Week 4: Atlanta for mom's birthday. Weather prediction convinces me to skip a Saturday trip to Athens. Dawgs again try to kill my by turning the ball over 3 times and needing a last second field goal to win.

Amongst all this I have been writing a legal writing brief and a complaint for civil lawsuits while trying to keep up with my other reading. God Bless Watson and his minimal reading.

I'll try to be a bit more vigilant with the posting... no promises though. Some of you have been clamoring for me to go back to h8 blogging. I'll see what I can do.

Make it Rain Mark

2009-09-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

Nothing heals the heart like beating Steve Spurrier

BEAT THOSE COCKS

GO DAWGS

ZOMG FOOTBALL

2009-09-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

"We’ve only got 12 weeks out of 52 to watch our teams play, and by God, we’re going to pack as much life into those 12 weeks as is humanly possible. We’re going to drink, we’re going to tailgate, we’re going to scream louder than anyone ever thought was possible, and, inevitably, we’re going to want to cry. Yep, it’s Christmas Eve for football fans. Because, at long last, college football season is here again."

Thanks to Manuel for locating that awesome quote

GO DAWGS

School back in session

2009-08-25T21:17:00.000-07:00

Now that summer is officially over for me and I dont have travels to tell you about, I can get back to what this blog is really good for... pointless internet humor and blabber.

Enjoy "The John Denver Experience"

European Rundown

2009-08-06T06:23:00.000-07:00

Ok I am going to attempt to stop talking about Europe after this blog, and figured I would give you a quick rundown of what all I did in my 5+ weeks abroad. Lets jump right in.

June 24 - Fly to Milan - It's a nice flight, got to sit with my pops. Parents and older sister came along, and I am glad since I got a better flight status and ended up sitting up front. Got a little drunk on free wine, which helped me sleep. I arrive in Milan well rested.

It is morning, so we check our luggage into a locker and walk around the city for a few hours. I see the Milano Duomo (left) the first of many opulent Italian churches and we eat our first of many decent and overpriced Italian meals.

Later we pick up our bags and catch a late train to Rome.

June 25-27 - Rome - We arrive in Rome and find our Hotel near the train station. Its late, and my sister is not in her hotel bc its the last night of her study abroad group being together, so we grab some pasta (Best carbornara of the trip btw) and crash.

Next morning my sister is waiting in the hotel. Over the next few days we do all the tourist stuff. I see the Colosseum, Palentine hill, Roman Forum, Vatican City, Castle St. Angelo, St. Peters Basillica, The Pantheon, the Trevi fountain. Pretty much a history dorks best day.

We also did some girly stuff for my sisters - shopping and eating and drinking wine mostly. My stuff was way cheaper, though I thoroughly enjoyed eating and drinking well and not paying for it myself. Last night my sisters and I check out a club in Rome. The music is all American and 3 years behind. I did the soulja boi dance and was a rockstar. After 3 days and many sights we hopped on a train to Naples, where we caught an hour long subway to Sorrento.

Favorite picture from Rome:

I call it "The Bill"

June 28-30 Sorrento, Capri, Pompei -
We arrive in Sorrento off the smelly Marta train. It's 1 billion degrees and I am hungover from the club in Rome my sisters and I went to the night before. Sorrento is a sleepy town - not much to do. More eating and sleeping and my sister (little sister) gets me sick.

I recover a day later and we go to capri. It is a small island not far from Sorrento. Same deal - more food, wine, and awesome views.

Next my dad and I took a day trip to Pompei while the girls hung out in Sorrento again since we couldn't make it to the Amalfi coast. Insane how big this place is. There are like 55 Acres that have been excavated but only 12 are open to the public. One of the coolest days of my trip for sure.

July 1-2 - Florence -

After that, I ditched the fam and headed on to Florence. Cool city, lots of history, and lots of art. I feel like I may not have enjoyed it to it's fullest, because I was ready for my study abroad to start. I was headed off to Amsterdam just a few days later to meet up with Garon and Justin, and was definitely ready go and see some familiar faces.

This is the Duomo in Florence by the way - I got really lucky and had amazing weather the whole time I was in Italy - I was blown away by the clouds in Europe in General - you just don't see cloud cover like this in the US.

July 3-5 - Amsterdam - Amsterdam was quite a trip - you can see the previous blog for some awesome pictures (side story - like 3 different groups of people took their pictures in front of the Michael Jackson grafitti, which kind of freaks me out because its not a tourist attraction or anything - we discovered this while looking through other peoples cameras). We did our time, had a good 4th of July and were definitely ready to move on by Sunday.

July 5-9 - Den Haag -

Den Haag or "The Hague" in English, is where we would spend our first two weeks of the study abroad program. It is located about 40 minutes outside of Amsterdam, so it was a short train ride for us. We arrived and checked into our rooms (dorm rooms is more like it). Over the course of the next week we got to know our fellow students who were from 4 different law schools: Mercer (actually just me, Justin, Garon, and Luke), Stetson, Oklahoma City School of Law, and Charleston School of Law.

I'd like to tell you that most of our time was spent doing professional and lawyerly things like the picture above this one, but the truth is about 80% of our time was spent drinking Heineken in the courtyard and playing card games (pictured here is "Drinking UNO" i believe).

But the class this week was actually pretty cool. Also, no class on Fridays, so we had three day weekends to travel...

July 10-11 - Brussels
Our first weekend to travel and we decided to head off to Belgium. I had always wanted to see Brussels, and had heard some good things (and some bad things actually) about Bruges. So we headed off the Brussels, and decided that if we loved it we would stay, and if not, we would move on to Bruges.

Seen to the left: Maneken pis statue - I can't remember why its famous, but there are signs and restaurants of it everywhere.

Brussels was pretty cool - Let me just tell you, Belgian beer... is. so. damn. delicious. and. awesome. and. many. other. explitive. laced. adjectives.

I miss it already. What I don't miss? Getting some late night food only to have about 4 tranny hookers come in after us and sit a table away. On to Mutha F'ing Bruges it is.

July 11-12 - Bruges

I could show you a bunch of pictures of canals, or bustling town squares, or giant freaky abominable snowmen, or hot Belgian singers, or $5 (euro) redbull vodkas, or tiny overpriced hotels... but im not going to. Because Bruges can best be summed up... with this.

July 12-16 -Dan Haag

We returned to Den Haag after an awesome weekend in Belgium. We had one more week here and fully enjoyed it. Check out the facebook pictures for further details.

July 17-19 - Paris

I'm not going to talk about Paris again. If you wan't to know why, check out the older blog post.

July 19-31 - Freiburg
Ahhh Freiburg. I loved Freiburg. It is a small German college town near the French and Swiss borders (Southwest Germany for the Geographically challenged). What was not to love about Freiburg? We stayed in a hotel called the Shutzen - Our program (The people from the Hague program, plus about 11 others who had chosen to do all 4 weeks in Germany) took up the whole hotel - we had it to ourselves pretty much. They had a bar/restaurant and beer garden right downstairs, and I already miss it so much. German beer is so much better than Heineken, it is unreal.

Mercer Boys with some of the OK city crew

As an added bonus, 80% of the waitresses were just gorgeous and really friendly. The city is in a valley surrounded by the Black forrest, which is really awesome to look at out your window. All the people on the trip were really awesome, and we had a blast together.

Jager was cheap: usually $1euro per shot. Redbull, not so much. I think I drank $150 worth while I was in Europe.

Us taking celebratory Jager bombs

Side trips: Strasbourg July 22 -
We went to the European Parliament and the International court on Human Rights, and then hit up a wine tasting. Took up a whole day

Amsterdam - July 31 - August 1 - Well the flights did not work out for me like I planned. I did not get to go to Munich like I wanted to, and instead had to take another ass backwards fucked up day of travel with Garon and Justin to Amsterdam. We switched trains 4 times (after missing our first one thanks to the bitch in the internet cafe who f'ed over garon and justin by saying the printer was down) and finally got to Amsterdam about 7:30 pm. We decided to go back and indulge in the ribs we had almost a month earlier on the 4th of July to see if they were as tasty when we were... um... sober.

They were.

And Yes, if anyone didn't notice we re-enacted the 4th of july bbq pictures. We are nothing if not idiots.

Om nom nom nom

Atlanta - August 1, 2009. - I lucked out and caught the direct flight to Atlanta the next morning (only a 3 hour delay too!) It was the trip of a lifetime, something I will never get to experience again. I'd like to thank the taxpayers who fund my student loans, and the inventor of wheat beer. Also my friend Redbull. I couldn't have done it without you. In fact, if I could sum up my trip in one picture... it would probably be...

Redbull. Redbull. Redbull. Redbull? Redbull.

Live ya life.

Do what you do.

Don't wear open toed shoes in court.

Home Sweet Home

2009-08-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

Greetings readers, I hope to find you all well. After it being very much in question and up in the air whether I would survive/ever make it home, Dash has returned to American soil. It was a life changing trip, no doubt, which I doubt I will ever have the opportunity to match for the rest of my life. I want to keep this post brief, because I am probably going to bombard the blog with posts in the next few days, seeing as how my lack of computer the last 3 weeks impaired my ability to do so abroad. There is much to share, so for now I will leave you with the lists.

(Stated before I left)

Things Joe is ready for: His car, text messaging, ice, chick-fil-a, Crowne Royale, free refills, queso dip, his apple, not having to pay for restrooms or ketchup, sportscenter, Dr. Pepper, not borrowing a computer, getting rid of his suitcases

Things Joe is going to miss: Weather in Netherlands and Germany, German beer, the Shutzen, waitresses at the Shutzen, $1 Jager, European clouds/ skylines, indoor bocce ball, afternoons off, epic landmarks, New friends from various law schools, $2.50 pizza's, living above a bar (beer garden)

An Ode to Paris

2009-07-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

First let me preface this by saying this is mostly in jest... Im going to bitch here for a minute, but its purely for cathartic purposes.

Ohhhh Paris... how do I loathe the. Let me count the ways.

1. Thank you for having dickhead hotel rooms who will not let you change your reservation, causing us to pay for Thursday night in a hotel when we were not even there. (Special thanks to Honey, the nice young woman from Charleston school of law who told us we had to check out of Den Haag on thursday when it was actually Friday).

2. Thank you for making us pay for first class on the Train on the way into Paris - I love paying 90 euros for a cheap ass meal and a glass of wine in a shitty glass which I spilled all over Justin's Shorts and having to get them dry cleaned.

3.. Thank you for being super fucking expensive - I really like nothing better than paying 11 euros for a fucking red bull and vodka in a bar that smells like satans asshole, yet still manages to be hotter.

4. Thanks to the liquor store for selling us "Rum" (Spelled "Rhum") which was pretty much gasoline mixed with cat piss. No wonder it was 4 bucks, not even a fucking bum would drink it.

5. Thank you for having ass backwards times for cool attractions - When you arrive at 3:30 at the catacombs, you should fucking be able to go see it. (We left Versailles early in order to see the catacombs Sat - and couldnt get in because it closed at four. So we got up early sunday to see the catacombs before our train - arrived at 10 and there were 210 people in line already - Oh what? You only let 200 people in the Catacombs at a time? Awesome. Fuck your mother.

5. Thank you for designing your subway system so that if you have to transfer trains, you ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY will get to the next train as it is pulling away, no exceptions. And thanks to the 4 train in particular for shutting down one stop from the catacombs, allowing the appropriate last 20 people to get in front of us in line at the Catacombs.

6. Thanks for having broken shower heads and no water pressure so that when you get back from satans asshole of a bar you cant even decently wash the disgusting french frog smell off of you properly.

7. Last but not least, thanks to the French bitch at the train station who bent us over backwards Friday morning as we attempted to buy our tickets to Freiburg... Even though I clearly said the tickets were for SUNDAY and THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW to which she said she understood.... yet still sold us tickets for Saturday. Non refundable tickets. That cost 112 euros each. (thats like 150 bucks in American Dolla bills) Oh and thanks for then selling us replacement tickets for 702 Euros so we could get to Freiburg on time. (In all honesty, this was the most clusterfuck day of travel in my life - We got hosed, but after bitching for a while and literally throwing up in my mouth in front of the train information lady when I heard how much the price was, they were somewhat sympathetic and did refund our original tickets - a small victory when you are still paying 230 Euro's to get like 250 miles)

All in all an awesome weekend. Some of the attractions were amazing - the Louve and Versailles in particular. But overall, I'm pretty sure I will never return to Paris unless its a the head of an army of the undead or with a giant can of gasoline and a book of matches.

So glad to be in Germany.

Halfway Done - Off to Paris

2009-07-17T02:23:00.001-07:00

Well our time in the Netherlands has come to an end... After two weeks in the Hague, the program checked out of the rooms this morning. It was a great time, but I don't think any of us are too heartbroken to be headed to Germany. I for one am pretty stoked, mostly because I feel like if I ever drink another Heineken my fucking brain will explode and start leaking out of my ear, and nose sockets.

The Mercer boys and I are headed to Paris for the weekend, before trying to find our way west to Freiburg Germany, where our program resumes on Monday and lasts for 2 weeks. I am sitting on a high speed train in first class with Justin and Garon, eating our second meal and drinking Spanish wine... all for an extra 5 euro. Luke is sitting in second class with no food or drinks. Mother F'ing euro rail pass got you good this time didn't it, peasant?

I spent the past week going to class (a few hours a day, I swear), going to the beach, playing bocce ball, drinking in the courtyard and seeing some the the sights in the Hague.

European city count so far: 12 - Milan, Rome, Naples, Pompeii, Sorrento, Capri, Florence, Amsterdam, Den Haag, Brussels, Bruges, Paris

Upcoming cities: Freiburg, Munich, Prague (maybe) Stuutgart or Zurich, Atlanta

Maybe, If I was born on a farm.. or was, Retarded... Bruges would impress me. But, I didn't, and, I'm not, so, it doesn't

2009-07-12T14:06:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posting - Having a run of rotten luck over here in Europe - Besides my brand new sandals fucking breaking, My MacBook, which is just over a year old, crashed last week - 7 days after the standard apple warranty expired. FML. My extended warranty is through best buy and not Apple, so I can't get it fixed until I get back in the states. In any case, I have been stealing computers for a minute here and there from my buddies, and have not had a chance to do any posting of pictures or blogs. Gonna try to use the computer lab after class tomorrow for that purpose.

This weekend, about 12 people from the program all went to Belgium. We hit up Brussels on Friday, and then actually went to Bruges on Saturday, and dispite Colin Farrels warning Bruges was a crazy party town. It was some national holiday so there were free concerts and cool shit happening all weekend. Belgian beer is awesome, but it sneaks up on you because of its high alcohol content... Needless to say, it was a good, but tiring weekend. More tomorrow.

Amsterdam

2009-07-05T07:40:00.001-07:00

Finally got out of Italy after a few nice days of sightseeing in Florence. I took a small Italian airline flight from Florence to Amsterdam Friday morning. I didn't think the price was super great, but for buying it the day before it was reasonable I guess. That is until I realized they had a specific weight limit (like most airlines) but theirs was about 8 lb less than what the limit was coming over - and the weight limit from your carry on counts - so I was pretty much F'd when I got there and got charged 12 Euro for every Kilo over the weight limit I was. So basically it cost almost as much for me to make sure my bags went with me as I paid for myself to fly. I guess I should have just bought two seats.

Anyway when I landed, I saw that Garon and Justin's plane was landing not too long after mine, and since I couldn't even check into the hotel yet anyway, I decided to wait for them, which turned into a 2 hour ordeal as their flight was late and then they sat on the runway for an hour. Eventually we made it into Amsterdam, and it was an awesome city.

Friday the guys were so tired from being up and traveling for nearly 24 hours so we rested during the day then went and did some sightseeing before going out for the night.

Saturday, as you know, was the 4th of July, so we did our patriotic duty by wearing American flag colors (all together anyway) and eating Barbecue just like back home. We had some spare ribs and chicken - the bbq sauce was surprisingly really good, and for like 9 or 10 bucks we got 3 racks of ribs - Twas delicious.

Later we went out on the town. We didn't get many pictures, but with pictures like these, what else do you need?

Sorrento, Capri, Pompeii, Florence

2009-06-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

Greetings folks, finally have some good internet here in Florence, so I thought I would update everyone on my travels if they are interested.

After 3 nights in Rome, we shot off on a train to Sorrento, which is down the eastern coast of Italy, about an hour south of Naples. It is a sleepy little tourist coast town, but high up on the cliffs, so some of the views are simply amazing. From here we went on to the Island of Capri, which was about an hours boat ride away, and also had some spectacular views. The island is actually separated into the small towns of Capri, and Anacapri, each on a different peak on the island. We rode a single seat chair lift to the top of Capri, and the views were simply stunning. You can check some of the photos out on facebook, I still have not quite been able to get picasa or whatever its called to work properly.

My favorite part of the island however, was the Blue Grotto. This is a small cave which is accessed by boat or by climbing down some steep stairs on the cliff. The cave opens up only about a foot above the waterline (depending on the waves, and can only be accessed by swimming, or by laying flat in a gondola (rowboat) and timing with the waves to shoot inside. Once inside however, you know why people wait for hours to get in... the particular position of the opening and how the light enters under the rocks and reflects off the water gives the whole cave a cool blue glow.

It was an awesome few days, with pretty good food, and everyone was very friendly. I even (sort of) started looking a little tan (for me I guess).

Today, I went to see the Ruins of Pompeii, which, for those of you who don't know, was the city which was instantaneously destroyed when Mt. Vesuvius erupted in 79 A.D. The town was preserved in the ash and has been being excavated continuously for over a century (maybe 2, I can't remember). It is a massive complex - there are 65+ acres of Pompeii, 59 of which have been excavated to some extent - but only 12 acres are open to the public - which amazed me since I spent all day walking there and felt like I did not see half of it. While it was cool, eventually you feel like you are just looking into some dudes house and saying oooooh old house. There is not much left but ancient stone walls, except for some wall frescoes, some roman style baths and column remnants. The sheer size of it is pretty overwhelming that anything remains at all.

I did think it was interesting that they had plaster molds of people in the position that they died in. Because they were instantly encased in volcanic ash, when their bodies decayed, they left a hollow in the rock where the flesh had been, leaving just the bones. When workers discovered the hollow, and saw a bone, the lead archiologist decided to pump plaster into the hollow, thus filling the space once occupied by flesh and muscle with plaster, and recreating the position that the Pompeiians died in.

At about 4 pm, I took off on a train to grab my bags and head to Florence for a few days. Some pictures have been uploaded to facebook (hopefully) while I sleep, and will get some more shots in later today. Also, hopefully I can get some of my sister's pictures from the Vatican to add to my Rome pictures.

Next up - Amsterdam, Friday morning. Mercer boys are getting to Europe holla

Daily FML

2009-06-30T17:54:00.001-07:00

Today, I erased over 130 pictures I had taken of St. Peter's Basillica, Vatican City, and the Vatican Museums, as well as fathers day family beach pictures, from my camera because it is new and I didn't know how to use it properly. FML.

Vatican City

2009-06-30T17:46:00.000-07:00

Editor's Note: This was written several days ago - but I have not had decent internet until now. Also, I think I was drunk so it might not make much sense.

Rome, Italy

Tonight, had a wonderful day of sightseeing and glorious Roman meals. I woke up at about 10 am to a phone call from my sister Rachel saying BONJOURNO!! To which I replied RACHE’L in the proper Italiano accent (No jokes Roff, I still think Ities are groff, she’s just been here for 6 weeks so I was trying to bring her back to proper culture slowly). We had a good comp breakfast and then set off for Vatican city (after a 2 hour hiatus of transferring from a 2 bed room to a 3 bed room… don’t ask, European hotels blow). Even though I had been there before, I was really excited to see the Vatican museum again. This place is so damn big, you could actually spend a good 2 or 3 days if you wanted to see everything thoroughly. After seeing what they had on display my dad commented that it was kind of scary to think about the kind of things that the Vatican aka the Catholic church has just hidden “in the basement” or away from the public eye. They have an insane amount of priceless art that we (me and people like me… and I’m a damn history major people) actually find interesting, so the amount of ancient art that they have tucked away in that place must be redonkulous. I would love to have free reign in that place. For every 4 rooms we saw, I could see 16 that were roped off, but still filled with statues, frescos, tapestries, and paintings. I understand the need to protect these art forms, but wouldn’t it make sense to maybe send them to a museum in a different city than stuff them in a room of a giant museum that no one ever sees?

After the Vatican Museums, we went to Saint Peter’s Basillica. I had been there before, back in 2005, so I was surprised by how I reacted to returning to this amazing church. I don’t care what anyone says, but there are certain buildings that should take your breath away every time you enter. The sheer scale of this church is insane. I was reminded of the line from gladiator when the (black guy character) said “I didn’t know men could build such things” when he saw the Colosseum. It is truly humbling to realize a church built so long ago dwarfs anything ever built in America. Awe inspiring.

The next day we went to do the city stuff - the Colosseum, the Roman forum, and the Palentine hill, where the Emperor's had their houses. All very very cool stuff. Then it was off to Sorrento!

Ciao - Italy Bound

2009-06-24T10:16:00.000-07:00

Okay folks, I'm terribly sorry for the lack of posting since school ended, I have been in deep preparation for what I'm sure will be 5 of the most *difficult weeks of my life. It is a heavy burden to have the federal government and your tax dollars fund me for an **intensive 4 weeks of study of international law preceded by a week in Italy.

*difficulty varies by culture
** "intensive" might apply more to hangovers than study

Flying out for Milan today with the folks - They are making a huge sacrifice (imaginary sarcastic tone applies here) by flying with me so I can achieve better flight status. Then I am meeting my sister Rachel in Rome on Friday!

I will try to update every few days with pictures and such - Let me know if you want postcards sent home!

Destin Sigh

2009-05-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

So we are at the bar on Saturday, out on the dance floor breaking it down, when the above song comes on. Rick and I, #1 couldn't believe they would play it in public, and #2 believe how every damn girl we could see was screaming the chorus over and over. Bitches be shoppin.

SUMMER!

2009-05-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

Well friends, summer is here. Sorry for the lack of posting, finals pretty much wiped me out. I have spent the better part of the week since I finished powerwashing my parents house and playing their Wii. But this weekend I get to go to Destin for Memorial day, so that should be a good time.

So I can't really think of anything to blog about right now, so until something comes to me, you'll have to settle for my summer itinerary.

May 15-31:
Tomorrow I leave for Destin, Florida, for Memorial Day Weekend. I am traveling with Breslin and Kelley and VP and maybe Jill. Also in Destin are another group including Cato and Rick. This group consists of Sprayberry kids that I don't know too well but seems like they like to party and have a good time. We'll see if they can keep up.

June 1-15:
After that I don't really know what I'm going to do for a while... probably more yard work for my parents - I figure its only fair since I'm pretty much out of money and they are feeding me. Mid June I am going to try to fly out to California with Newmark to see Gnarls in Oxnard, if the flights are agreeable that weekend.

June 15-30:
After getting back from Cali, we are going to the beach with my dad's family... in Destin... yes the same place I am going this weekend. I didn't have any say in these destinations either time, I am just along for the ride. It will be nice to see the extended fam for a weekend though.

At the end of June, I am packing myself up for the rest of the summer and heading off to Europe. I am doing a study abroad program through Stetson Law Schools international law program. The program actually doesn't start until July, but because I am going to try to fly standby over there I want to give myself plenty of opportunities to get over there. My little sister is finishing up her study abroad program (through UGA) in Rome at the end of June, so I figured I might as well try to fly in there and meet her. So last week of June I'll be somewhere in Europe, though not sure where exactly. Don't worry, I'll update the blog as I go.

July 3-18: The study abroad program begins at The Hague, which is in the Netherlands. Naturally, I will be meeting the friends who are also doing the program with me in Amsterdam on the 3rd. Also going on the trip are Garon Muller, Adam Meeks, Justin Scrabernathy, and Meatloaf (Burpee). Should be a good time the whole trip with those guys. I have never been to Amsterdam, and am looking forward to it immensely. It is supposed to be kinda like Venice with all the canals, and obviously it has its other reputations, which have nothing to do with why we want to visit. We spend 2 weeks in the Hague, and take two classes. They leave Fridays open for travel, so I suspect we will make at least one weekend trip while we are there, either to Paris or Brussels.

July 19 - 31: After our time in the Hague, we shift and spend 2 weeks in Freiburg, Germany. We will also be taking two classes in Germany. One weekend we have a mandatory trip to Strasbourg, France to see the world courts which are there. Same deal here, open weekends, so in between the Hague and Freiburg we may try to hit up Zurich or Munich or something like that. The town of Freiburg itself seems pretty cool - an old German college town, so there should be a lot of young people about town, and they have kept it quaint by keeping the cars off of many of the streets. Anyway - 2 weeks in Germany, then finals (pass fail wahoo).

August 1:
Try to get home. This may be difficult as everyone is going to be coming back to the States at this time. Maybe I'll just stay over there. Ha. No I'll make it back eventually. Then 2L year starts! ok enough long windedness from me for now, gotta go finish powerwashing. Sorry for the info overload.

Finals

2009-05-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

I missed Easter mass, so what the hell

2009-04-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

True Legal Professionalism

2009-04-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so in Legal Professionalism today, our Professor asked us to answer one of two Questions for feedback. Greeny any I decided to answer one of these questions together. (Dash's responses - Greeny's responses) For those that don't know, this is a class about acting PROFESSIONAL, MORAL, and ETHICAL as an attorney. So its only fitting that what came to our minds is what is listed below.

Question: What is it about the life of a lawyer that justifies the very large commitment which the decision to pursue it entails? (What about being a lawyer made you spend all this GD time and money to become one?)

1. Sniffing Highlighters

2. Freakers Ball

3. Money

4. Sluts\

5. Alcohol (changed by Dash from Alcoholism)
6. Free Lunches

7. Knowing how to break the Law

8. Luke Fucking Burpee

9. to STOP sucking DICK

10. Having a Bitch cook for you

11. Smelling like Top shelf liquor and Hookers

12. Extra-Marital Affairs

13. 50%+ of your money going to taxes

14. Unlimited Bacon

15. Italian sports cars

16. Boats 'N Hoes

18. <------------Not having to count shit
19. Looking down my nose at my Plebeian Teacher Sister

20. Blackmail

21. Ignoring law inquiries from distant Friends/Family

22. Not doing Pro-Bono bullshit

23. Setting a high enough bar for my kids to disappoint me.

24. Suing People/Ruining Lives

25. MMM the sweet, sweet tears of Unfathomable Sadness

Daily FML (Lolz@daily)

2009-04-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

"Today i had to attend a mandatory class on depression and substance abuse in which a 55 yr old man gave me a mixed CD and I worried about the commerce clause the whole time. FML." - Jackie

Sorry

2009-04-17T09:02:00.001-07:00

Have not posted since before spring break. FML

Actually F Finals.

Be back in a few weeks.

The Asshat: an Origin

2009-03-31T18:44:00.000-07:00

Courtney: Sarah: this [pic above] is for joe
probably the kind of girl he'd write a haiku about

Dash: Wow what a woman.... /
Two Turkeys in a shop cart /
You are what you eat

Dash: I almost went inner monologue:
"Where all the boys at? /
Shouldnt they be in the yard? /
Oh, I done drank it"

Courtney: ok... now this?

is one of the best haikus i've ever seen

for reals

Dash: haha

Courtney: i can't stop laughing

Dash: im waiting for you to match

just so you know

Courtney: she has a secret /

smuggling north koreans /

in that ass time stops

Dash: haha

your brain should be in a laboratory

or a museum or something

Courtney: i'm taking that as a complement

pants about to split /

bet she has a 4-inch taint /

bend over, i'll check

Dash: Tattoo on that taint/

full size recreation of/

Van Gogh's "Starry Night"

Courtney: taint tat ... black canvas /

Van Gogh swallowed by stretch marks /

so black it's purple

Dash: Purple taint, so hot... /

and not in a sexy way /

One Million degrees

Courtney: ass cheeks close like clam /

wiping is not easy, still /

smuggling christmas hams

Dash: my last line of that would have been : "these pearls are not white"

Courtney: bbahhahahahaha

oh my god

how about: ass cheeks close like clam /

wiping is not easy still /

this pearl is not white

Dash: There is an upside/

her underwear doubles as/

extra parachute

Courtney: imagine shaving /

her craps could choke a donkey /

razor clogged with hair

Dash: I think that nair would /

be a more prudent method /

Costco sells gallons

Courtney: plan: hair removal /

applying nair with a mop /

extended handle

Dash: Again, your methods /

need serious rethinking /

Try supersoakers

Courtney: nice try, grasshopper /

what are north koreans for? /

get in there and clean

Dash: Damn Snake in the grass /

stealing jobs that clearly are /

meant for Mexicans

Courtney: day labor is tough /

cleaned the biggest ass ever /

found this sombrero

me: Pure Magic unveiled /

A day to be remembered /

The asshat is born

Courtney: joe...

Dash: you meant to lead me there right

Courtney: god, see... i didn't even see it

we're only the best team...

ever

god

Dash: good talk

Courtney: this conversation was taint-tacular

adios ass hat

Dash: Later StarryNight

If you want to know what really goes on in Law School...

2009-03-30T15:09:00.001-07:00

Everyone always asks me what I do in class because I am constantly online.

This video from the NYU Law Review Pretty much sums it up.

Kate: Crosswords, FreeCell

John: Tagged in 8 Pics, Urban Dictionary

Brooke: Scrabble (Have to look for it on the laptop screen)

Jackie: Perez Hilton, Lexis Points to Redeem (Westlaw, sorry)

Smiles: PuppyCam

Liz: Highschool wants its drama back

Ed/Justin: ESPN, Page 2

Meeks: Youporn

Brandon: The Slate

Lauren: Ann Coulter

Murph: iPhone

Kas: Ebay

Pattie: March Madness

Angie: I can has Cheezburger

Everyone but Garon: "Talk to me on Gchat"

I swear this is not a Bacon site

2009-03-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

All I gotta say is that this commercial makes me happy in pants - Hot chicks and bacon cheeseburgers. We all win.

Satan Tempts Us in Many Ways

2009-03-26T19:41:00.001-07:00

Dirty Briefs failed to achieve victory in softball tonight... Good effort from everyone though.

One week til spring break... I'm going to try to post a bit more, but no promises.

I H8 Narnia

2009-03-23T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'm Alive

2009-03-23T13:05:00.000-07:00

So sorry for my lack of posting - I was on my deathbed much of last week, and in between fevers and whooping cough and lack of food, I was making trips to Savannah and hosting Roff for the weekend. Quick rundown of my week -

Monday: Sick in bed all day

Tuesday: Savannah for St. Patrick's day - Dueling pianos, green shit, Police encounters, purse thieves and praising god for car wrecks

Wednesday: Sick in bed all day

Thursday: Recover/Basketball/BAWLS charity auction planning session

Friday: Cornhole/Drank all day with Roff after class, Basketball, Diesel beard sandwiches, Batman shirt appearances, homeless party liason

Saturday: Sleep, Allman Brother's cover band, Basketball, Go home northerner, Places to rape someone

Sunday: Legal Writing, basketball, recover

Roff came in town this weekend and we had a blast. In that old college 2 day bender type of way. Going to bed post 4am two night in a row is a young mans game. Im surprised I didnt relapse into sickness like after Savannah. Must have been all that beardliness, it cures pretty much anything.

I feel empty w/out basketball on tv... March Madness is awesome, even if Wake had the EPIC FAIL of the tournament the worst year possible... when I actually have them doing well (final four... ouch)

Today Jackie and Smiles got nerd blizzards while I was in class. They sent me a picture. Their names have temporarily been changed to Slutzor and Whorebox.

Lane Kiffin as the kid in the helmet

2009-03-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

Johnny New pointed this dandy out to me today. It's classic

Lane Kiffin, Retard

If any of you are wondering, Lane is Tennessee's new Head football Coach... and hes made quite a name for himself before ever coaching a game. Basically he's a douche.

Bai, I gotta go sneeze.

*In case anyone wants to watch my favorite deleted scene from Jay and Silent bob, you can find it here. It's worth watching.

Anti FML

2009-03-06T11:17:00.000-08:00

The blog has been a bit too emo and downtrodden lately. It's a nice day outside. Law day was today, so only had one class. Softball this afternoon. I'm feeling good. I noticed this status on gchat and it made me laugh, so I'm posting it as the first "weekly" Anti-FML... depending on how f'd my life happens to be.

This is his Gchat picture - status is below

Ahhh...baseball is back on tv

- Nelson

Daily FML

2009-03-06T05:05:00.001-08:00

No Hot Water. FML

- Dash

Computer log, #23415 - Day 4 without a phone

2009-03-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

Random thoughts

- I don't know what to do with myself. The world is a cold dark and bleak place without a cell phone.

-I wanted to prank call rick at work today, until I realized what I was thinking. The pain... it cuts so deep.

- Haven't sent or received a text message in nearly a week. Who out there is trying to reach me? Is Breslin or Bryne K trying to send me an innap. .gif image right now?

- What if everyone forgets me? Will I have to start all over? I don't know if I can do this. My soul is awash in the loneliness of this 3g-less world.

- I wanted to go to Atlanta this weekend. But what's the point? I can't get in touch with anyone anyway. Even with cell phones we can't rely on each other to be at a certain place at a certain time. I can't be expected to just trust in my friends, what am I, crazy?

- I woke up late for class today. My cell phone alarm usually wakes me up if i forget to set my iHome. God Mocks me. Or at least he would, if I could receive texts. I imagine it would go something like: "Lolz cellpwn"

- I wanted to ask the pretty girl at the gas station for her number. But I had no where to put it. Her eyes screamed Un-datable stone age man with no phone. "But I'm in law school" I said. She laughed.

Darkness.

Imprisoning me.

All that I see.

Absolute horror.

I can not live.

I can not die.

Trapped in myself.

Body my holding cell. - Metallica

Mmmmm Waffles

2009-03-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

Jackie, laid up for gallbladder surgery this weekend (best wishes), produced an epic poem about Waffles here:

An Ode to a Waffle

My guest poem haiku was tacked on to the bottom, but to be honest, I'm a little embarrassed at my weak effort in the shadow of her literary prowess. I guess I just need to remember the Waffles > Pancakes message is all that matters. Crush on.

AT&T Murder Fantasy

2009-03-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

Click Image for Bigger View

Below you can see the Convo that led to this tragic event:

Me: I want to murder AT&T

but

thas neither here nor der

Courtney: at&t isn't a person

so that might be tough

me: I could do it

Courtney: you could defame them on your blog though

you could

me: i mean

murder

like people would be like wtf my phone isn't working

and they would get online

and it would say "AT&T found tied up behind a dollar general"

me: its achilles tendons were cut, most likely in the parking garage of its apartment

then it was dragged into the woods and beat with a tire iron

before finally having its head smashed in with a sledgehammer

Courtney: bbahhahahahaha

holy cow

this is getting totally

snuff film-ish

me: oddly enough, there were several broken phone pieces in its stomach, leading authorities to believe that they were force-fed to them by the attacker

Courtney: wow

and also very seven-ish

me: psh no achilles cuts in seven

that shit was pussy

Courtney: seven - eating things

remember the linoleum shavings?

me: oh he forced the fat guy to eat that shaving stuff

Courtney: yeah

me: anyway

thats my att murder fantasy

Courtney: i loved it

who else do you want to kill??

wait,

has this just gotten weird???

me: ummm

Duke's greg paulus

and Coach K

and Lane Kiffin

and Tim Tebow

and Urban Meyer

UPDATE: BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS MAN

Daily FML

2009-02-28T07:15:00.000-08:00

My wrist is bleeding because i scratched it with my toenail. I wonder how many people are going to ask me if I am cutting myself. FML - Rowen

FML

2009-02-25T15:37:00.000-08:00

It's not even lunch time, fml

-Gnarls

Multiple FML's and other Evil thoughts

2009-02-24T19:17:00.000-08:00

So I was enjoying a Delicious Cherry Icee today with my lunch.

And I started to think... This is even better than a delicious Dr. Pepper.

And then I started to think crazy, dastardly, soul ripping things...

Sadly, they are only sold in Texas it seems. FML

In other news, my soldier of a phone is on its last leg... Its been a good run. Here is the story.

So I assume you read the FML below about my bed sheet. That was not made up. I have been sleeping with a giant hole in my bed sheet for the last 2 nights. So after my basketball game tonight, even though it was 7:30 and I was hungry, I went out to the big shopping center on Presidential Pkwy on the other side of Macon. I went into bed bath and beyond to find a fitted sheet. All they had was either

A) Entire bed sheet sets, which I didn't need

B) Single fitted sheets which were 1000 thread count bastards that cost over $100 bucks

F that noise. I at this point called my mom to ask where I should go look besides BB&B. She suggested Target, I thanked her and hung up.

Do you ever have those moments, when you think the universe is just laughing at you? This is one of those moments.

As I flipped my 2 year old phone closed, the top right corner of the plastic exoskeleton decided to crumble in my hand, exposing the shiny and plastic innards of the phone. Not good. Then I remembered that I am up for a phone renewal... At the beginning of March. FML

I obviously could go buy a cheap ass go-phone for like 15-30 bucks... but considering the phone I have had for 2 years cost $14 dollars, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to go pay the same amount for a phone I will use for 5 days, at which point I get an upgrade.

Anyway, I waltzed into Target, since it was right next door, and dashed for the bedding section. The color of the sheets i needed were sold out in Queen Size. Great. This is getting better and better.

So then I dash over to the AT&T store, which is, luckily, in the same shopping complex. I arrive at 8pm on the dot. The store closes at 8. Guess I'm not discussing my upgrade tonight. I feel like crying.

At this point, I'm starving and pissed off, and I dont want to have to cook when I get home, so I stop at Chic-Fil-A on the way home. At least that will cheer me up. When I got home I realized that they not only gave me 8 year old gross brown overcooked waffle fries, and not only did they forget to give me any polynesian sauce even though I asked for some, but there is a MOTHER F'ING PICKLE ON MY SANDWICH.

So, to sum up, I drove across the entirety of Macon to:

1) Not find any bedsheets

2) Break my phone

3)Realize I can't get a new one until Monday for sake of my pride

4) Have the worst Chic-Fil-A experience in a decade

And I still get to read the 20 pages I have left in Conlaw.

FML, I need a Dr. Pepper flavored Icee STAT

Sidenote, I love the Drunk History video's, and Jackie has conveniently posted them here

The Daily FML... By itself because blogspot hates me

2009-02-20T16:01:00.001-08:00

Today I fell asleep on my bed while reading conlaw. A nice nap? I had my boots on. They ripped a hole in my bed sheet while I slept. FML

- Dash

Link Dump, Rambling and Videos

2009-02-20T14:20:00.000-08:00

So the last day or so, I have been re-watching some of my favorite old flash cartoons, like Burnt Face Man and Mario Bloopers, or Mario Son of a peach. Whatever happened to the glory that was the flash cartoon? Well probably the propensity of crazy shit like this being created had something to do with it. My eyes started bleeding from watching that video because they thought they were being raped by a Nazi Pennywise.

Anyway, below I posted some of my favorites...

Go to youtube for the uncensored version of this one if you dare... The rant at the very end is epic.

Another Oldie but a goodie is here:

Bout that time eh chaps?.... Right-o.

PO-TA-TOES

Sad to say... this song is on my iPod.

I Know this isn't flash, but puppet slaughter is awesome

Daily FML

2009-02-19T17:06:00.000-08:00

Today, I donated blood. After 30 minutes of personally pumping the blood in the bag because the arm cuff was not tight enough, the technician then told me they needed to stick me in the other arm even though I was feeling nauseated, or they couldn't keep my blood. FML

-Smiles

Daily FML

2009-02-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of real posting this week, Rockband, memo's and practicing non use of pronouns have taken up my time. I'll do the news later this week for old times sake.

Anyway, today's FML comes from Triple D, and its a dandy. While it may not have happened today, this is a true story and awesome:

"Today I had a conversation with an older black man about hats. We somehow got on the subject of berets. After I told him how dumb I thought berets were, he informed me that he used to wear a beret all the time. In the army, I asked. No, he said, in the Black Panthers during the '60s. FML" - Davis "Diesel" "Dong" Shaefer

Daily FML

2009-02-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

Today, while saying goodbye to me, a friend told me "We will remember you in our prayers at church tonight". FML

Daily FML

2009-02-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

Partly in honor of the awesome FMyLife website which has contributed heavily to our procrastination these last few weeks, and partly to combat the evil that is Mary Sue and section 4's "Daily TWSS", I am instituting a daily FML from myself and section 5. Submissions welcome and appreciated via email (Dashlok10@gmail.com)

Two Entries to start us off:

Today, I realized that I did not buy a Brewfest ticket this year because it falls on a Sunday and we have 8:30 am class on Mondays... and it falls on our Spring Break. FML.

Lauren:

"Today, I forgot to change "pounding" to "sexual intercourse" in my client memo before turning it into Ritchie. FML"

Sometimes I feel like hiring a dog to burn down a hospital

2009-02-10T20:57:00.001-08:00

Obligatory Bulldawg Post

2009-02-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

Taking a break from hate blogging to talk about Georgia Football for a bit. Since the basketball team is in shambles (at least they got rid of Felton... been saying for years that he was a terrible fit as our coach) and Football is roughly 6+ months away, I need to take the opportunity now as Signing day was last week, and there won't be anything interesting to blog about for a while. (At least until the summer arrests start piling up) (Also because after blogging about Snuggies and Twilight, I decided I needed to de-pussify my blog and inject some testosterone. Don't be fooled, it was between a football post and a Unicorn post)

So every year, my Bulldawgs pull in a pretty good class of signees. I think we have pulled in a top 10 class every year for the last 6 or something like that (might have missed one year, not positive) This is a good thing, most programs would kill for results like that. The only problem is that UGA is in the SEC... meaning we only had the 4th best recruiting class in the conference this year.

LSU and Bama fought it out for #1 recruiting classes, each pulling in a #1 ranking from one or two recruiting services. Florida came in around the 6-7 area in each poll. Georgia was anywhere from #7-9.

I think a lot of the ranking stuff is pretty arbitrary... No one really knows which players will pan out and which will flounder. We are judging 18 year old kids on how they are going to react during the biggest transitional period of their lives. For instance, UGA's class of 2002 was not rated extremely high... and they won 2 sec championships and more games than any other class in school history. The class of '06 was Georgia's highest ranked class in a long time, with Stafford, Moreno and Asher Allen among others signed... and they never won a championship and those three are now headed to the NFL a year early.

Our coaches are pretty good at locking up the majority of our class early. We rarely have much signing day drama, other than the occasional defection to another team, or from another team to us. This year was a bit different, with about 5 highly ranked prospects still undecided with Georgia as a possibility. I by no means expected to pick up all 5, considering the teams we were going up against (USC, BAMA, Tenn, Ohio St., Florida, LSU) are annually top 10 recruiting teams as well. We missed on most of them, except what I consider to be the best of the bunch... receiver Marlon Brown. Also, none of our "Commits" defected. Now they just have to qualify academically.

Brown's decision was particularly sweet because he was the #1 recruiting priority of the new University of Tennessee Coach, Lane Kiffin, or as I like to call him, "Lame Bitchin". This guy is quickly making me forget how much I hated fat Phil Fulmer. He has already tried to piss off pretty much everyone in the conference before ever coaching a game, including Spurrier, Nick Saban of Bama, and Florida's Urban Meyer. He hired away the recruiting coordinators of Bama, Auburn, South Carolina, former head coach of Ol Miss Ed Orgeron and tried to hire away UGA's Rodney Garner. Then he gloated about it. Gloated about how he stole everyones recruiting coordinator. Then pulled in a mediocre at best class. He also incorrectly accused Meyer of cheating. Basically acting like he has no F'ing clue what he is doing.

Anyway, yes so the decision of Marlon Brown to come to UGA was sweet indeed. Apart from Mr. Brown being a 6'5 monster of a receiver, watching UT message boards go into meltdown mode was teh awesome. Just something about reading a board of grown men immed. turn emo and want to hang themselves by their modem cords (Tenn. doesn't have wifi Darsh) is hilarious to the point of tears. (I'm sure there is no need to tell you that had he gone to Tenn. I would be writing about what a douche he is and how we didn't want him anyway, its science)

So now depression sets in. No football for a long time, other than the spring game in April (Televised on ESPN by the way). So until then it will most likely be quiet on here regarding football posts, unless something hilarious comes out that I must comment on.

I are teh Bane of section IV and Twilight lolz

2009-02-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

My nefarious plan is clearly working - The curse lives.

Mary Sue, don't lie, you weren't watching tv, you were making this. This twilight madness has got to end soon.

Ah Twilight. Harry Potter for Teens. Hot vampire love story? Or thinly veiled Mormon abstinence parable? You be the judge. But if you pick the first one, you are wrong. And gullible.

I have many opinions on Twilight, especially for someone who has not read the book. This is most likely due to me mercilessly making fun of Kirty and Kaitlyn when they would not shut up about it for 2 months. Also, this book/movie ruined one of my last pure joys in life at law school... Facebook bumper-stickers. I don't know who the actor is who plays "Edward" but from the amount of bumper stickers of him on facebook, he probably gets more ass than the Backstreet Boys and N'sync and Tom Brady ever have. Combined.

I did download a crappy pirated version of the movie over our break to see what the hoopla was all about. Hey, surprise surprise, it sucked. (no pun intended, there are absolutely no awesome vampire slayings... they drink the blood of animals bc they love humans... take that PETA) The director of the movie DID decide however to add an interesting aspect I would like to share with you.

(Background - okay this is f'ing retarded, and I feel like a tool for explaining Twilight on a blog, but for the purposes of this joke I must disclose it. According to Twilight, vampires don't go out in the sunlight - not because of something awesome like they will explode or be set on fire or they are allergic... no they stay out of the sun because their skin glitters. Don't think about that sentence for more than 10 seconds or your brain will try to gnaw through your face to escape) ANYway, so yes. The geniuses who made this movie decided that when showing the vampire "glittering" that a visual wasn't enough. You can actually hear the glittering... you know, because reflecting light makes a noise. They might as well have had a track of a bunch of people whispering "sparkle sparkle twinkle sparkle" over and over again. H8.

Quick rundown now, the Vampires in this movie:

Don't drink human blood

Can walk around in the daytime

Do not have fangs

Glitter

Hiss like a little kid dressed as Dracula on Halloween

What an asshat this author is. You can't take over 200 years worth of folklore and established myth and throw them out the window like that you low brow emotion whore. Thats the equivalent to if I made a zombie movie, but instead of being dead, the "zombies" were stockbrokers, and ate belly button lint instead of brains. But thats okay, they are hot, and they love me because I'm special, and different from all the other girls on the inside, and they can see that. I'M SPECIAL DAMN IT.

If you are over the age of 18 and you are reading these books, I don't really know what to say to you. You won't listen to me anyway. Don't worry by the way, you're not alone. I know of a good 8-9 of my friends off the top of my head who have read/are currently reading these books. That doesn't include those too embarrassed to admit it. Stephen King (Somewhat of a hack author himself, and even he thinks the author of twilight sucks at writing) put it better than I ever could:

“A lot of the physical side of it is conveyed in things like the vampire will touch her forearm or run a hand over skin, and she just flushes all hot and cold. And for girls, that’s a shorthand for all the feelings that they’re not ready to deal with yet.”

Ipso facto, You're 13 years old.

Also, in case you have never seen it, ask Corey to do his vampire impression for you. Preferably while drunk. It is awesome.

Video to close us out, courtesy of funny or die (there are about 5 of these, but this is the best one)

Twilight Alternate Trailers - 4 of 5 - watch more funny videos

I almost forgot the Twilight Dork Roll call

Known twilight fans a.k.a. the emotionally stunted:

Kaitlyn

Kirsten

Kelley

The Sniper

Michelle

Mary Sue

Ashley, aka "Shaven" aka "Smiles"

Rachel (My own family... clearly doing something wrong here)

Kate Dawg

Stafford

Sophie

Pattie

Amy

Suspected/closet Twilight fans:

Anyone with black or almost black fingernail polish

Hitler

Carlos Mencia

The rest of section IV

SUPER FUCKING AWESOME UPDATE:

This is a crappy video of the "Glitter" Scene I described above... listen for the glitter "Noise" at the 00:25 second mark. As an added bonus, you get to hear teenage emotiwhores literally YELPING and SWOONING in the audience. Where is my shotgun

Screw You America

2009-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

Okay, I give up. If this is the direction we are going, I'm out. I'm about 2 more products like this away from blood vessels popping in my brain. I'm sure by now most of you have at least heard about the latest craze sweeping the nation. I'm referring of course, to the Snuggie.

For those of you not in the know, the Snuggie is a blanket... with sleeves. Yes for all those times when it is so inconvenient to actually move your arms from underneath the burdensome straitjackets that are blankets in this day and age, now there is hope. Oh thank you almighty Snuggie for saving us from our prison of incomplete blanket coverage AT ALL POSSIBLE TIMES.

I realize we are the microwave/cellphone/Internet generation, and that everything has to be at our fingertips immediately. I really do, because I'm a strong supporter of these things. But I refuse to believe that FREAKING Blankets cause so much inconvenience that we need to reinvent them. It's a blanket. Blankets have been around for thousands of years. Just who the hell do you think you are America?

Probably what infuriates me the most is that People are dumb enough to buy these things. IT'S CALLED A SWEATSHIRT ASSHOLE. Some dude is laughing his ass off in a gold plated Jacuzzi because one day he saw his senile grandfather wearing his robe backwards while playing Bocce, or whatever the F old people do. Oh my gawd that thought makes me want to slit my wrists. Remember, while cutting, up the river, not across the bridge. You wouldn't want to be thought of as one of those emo "cry for attention" cutters.

Along the same lines, is this glorious product: The Smitten (description included)

Really? We really need to hold hands at all times? And even if that is the case, we have to actually be touching skin to skin? It's 20 degrees outside and you're worried that your love is going to disappear if you don't have them physically connected to you? I would be willing to bet you one million diamond crusted sapphires that this was a woman's idea. Oh and what a clever name. Get it? Smitten! It's a play on words! They are smitten with each other and they are sharing a mitten! I would probably have named it sick smelly sweat-sharing pouch, but I guess thats why I don't make the big bucks.

Sorry I'm a bit Angsty towards Americans today. Sometimes retarded Superbowl commercials do that to me. Having a brain/intelligence can be a bitch, especially while having to endure advertising aimed at the less aware demographics in our fine country. Anyway, here is a funny college humor video lambasting the snuggie. I agree with every word.

Update: Check out these assholes.

Gnar you have now jumped Rick as site enemy number 2, after section 4 of course.

Pirar, I expect nothing less. Rob, don't listen to her lies.

Holy Mother of God

2009-01-28T13:02:00.000-08:00

This made me JIMP. I can die happy now.

Something about children's tv shows played against rap music is just awesome. The Barney Soulja boi video is the shit. Love in this Chuck-E-Cheese is pretty amazing too. But they all pale in comparison to the juggernaut below.

Please turn your volume up loud to enhance the experience.

Props to Kirty Mae for locating this glorious bastard.

Tourette's Guy Loves Marshmallows

2009-01-28T09:41:00.002-08:00

The end of this video had me crying.

Lil Pimpin, Eatin Grilled Cheese...

2009-01-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

Tonight's posting consists of me lazily saying "haha look at this video someone else made". Why? Because a Moe's burrito and Nerd Blizzard from DQ made me fall asleep on my couch for an hour and its midnight and I still have to read for ConLaw.

I have to admit, this song could be about actually pimping Kindergartners and I would probably still enjoy it. The original is classic. Jay-Z, you are missed. Stop being so rich and kinda white and just start rapping again. I liked you better when you talked shit about Nas than when you and your fiance' Beyonce' (teehee) hung out at award shows and basketball games acting all non-threatening. Back in my day, Rap stars shot each other when they were young, they didn't retire and collect wealth. What, are you trying to provide future generations of your family with stability or something? For shame.

Best verse:

"Yo I'm the, lilliputian pimp asario

The Luigi to the Mario

The George to the Dario

The Coleco to Atario

Kindergarten

Made me harden

Into a thug

Sleep in bed with one eye open as long as I'm snug"

Little Pimpin' - watch more funny videos

This is a Terrible Idea

2009-01-26T21:05:00.000-08:00

So I was laying around during one of my many many leisure hours, and I thought "I have so much spare time now that I am back in school, I should really start writing blogs again".... I'm an idiot. However, I was inspired by Courtney's idea to have a blog only of Haiku poems... still waiting to see it though. Also, it seems every person in section 4 has a blog up and running, and Section 5 needs some representation. This blog is dedicated to challenging everything section 4 believes in, along with anything else I deem funny. You shouldn't have much to worry about for now, but I'm sure this will devolve into a UGA v. AU fight site during football season. I'm also thinking were going to see a lot of video link posts, because lets face it, there are way funnier people out there than me. Every once in a while I might break out a treat like the old school news reports.

Oh and if anyone wants to be thoroughly scared by my old blog, my evil Internet alter ego used to be seen posting here. That person is dead.

Common Character Roll call:

Rick- I h8 you.

Gnar- you stink.

Jonny New- <3

VP- WP

Patrick- You're a Towel

Roff- Bitches be shoppin

Tim- (see Brad)

Jose- You SOB (Silly ol Bear). Now go mow my lawn... WELL THEN GROW A LAWN THEN MOW IT

Brad- 54-0

Hooper- Tanglewood lives

Nelson- Game over

Dumphreys- Rick is like Jesus compared to you

Breslin- No more Zj's

Deuce- Stay in China you dirty Commie

Sosnow- Lauren White is a Boring Name. Sorry Joe.

JW- Joe White is an awesome name (first part at least)

Kate Dawg- Stop being such a lady aka vodka drinker

Kimmy- You smell like the inside of a wooden leg.

Cookie- Time has come to put childish things away. Like UT orange.

Maunal- We can go ahead and start attorney/client privileges now if you want. It's going to happen.

Kaitlyn- You are already Banned

Kirsten- Stop Stealing Monkeys

Bre- Everything is bigger in Texas (toast for instance)

Section 4- Bring it

Garon- No more TWSS jokes

Justin- NO I DON'T WANT A HUMMER

Diesel- Oldest member award... even if you look younger than me

Greenie- Stay away from my sister

Lauren- being one of the guys ain't so bad. (coughwhorecough)

Pattie- Glad I'm not the only obnoxious Heels fan in our section

Luke- Your dancing inspired this blog

Tyler- I'm not going to say anything making fun of you cuz I want to stay at your house in Jacksonville next fall. You're the best! BFF4Lyfe

Murph- You're Tyler's twin so same to you

Corrie- if I develop Tourette's I expect you to support my law library career decision

Hurst- Kiffin sucks but I'm jealous of B. Pearle

Kate- You're short.

Anyone I left off, that probably means I hate you, but not so much that I thought about how much I hate you, which should be a positive sign. Something to build on. jk one love everyone